LOBODA: Keep that new life you want to give us. And keep our glass, King Crow.  As soon as you get on his ships, he is gonna slit your throats and dump your bodies to the bottom of the Shivering Sea.  That’s our enemy!  That has always been our enemy! 

Loboda leaves the cabin. A number of wildlings follow him.

KARSI: I fucking hate Thenns.

Tormund nods.


Loboda shuddered.  It was a vision of his last day as a living man.  Thenn afterlife was trees and animals, rocks and rivers, an ecosystem that functioned perfectly for a change.  Biotic and abiotic components connected through well-organized nutrient cycles and energy flows. Recovery from periodic disturbances was easy and quick.  The afterlife suited Loboda.  Why did he have to see his last day again? In the world where ecological processes went awry…  And the White Walkers tried to kill off all other life… 


A White Walker-induced snow storm. Wind and snow whipping from neighboring cliffs.  

LOBODA: Shut the gate.

More howling from the distance. Wildlings on the other side of the gate begin charging.

LOBODA: Shut the gate!

Men rush to put a board in place to hold the gate shut.


Thenn often name their children after plants.  A child with the name of a primary producer is said to inherit the incredible evolutionary skills of plants.  Loboda was named after Atriplex hortensis. His photosynthetically active protector had endowed him with metabolic efficiency, height and strength.  Loboda never had a calcium or iron deficiency while alive.  The production of red blood cells and the oxygenation of his body were perfect.  


Loboda walks to the gate with his axe and peers through a hole. There is a scream in the distance, a wight charges the gate.

LOBODA: Ready your arrows!

Wights claw at the gate. Arrows are fired. A wight sticks his hand through the gate.  Loboda chops it off.


Loboda looked again at his living self with the axe.  “Uh, I am strong,” he though, “look at those arms.” Contrary to popular belief, Thenn do not eat humans for daily sustenance.  They believe that consuming plants, not the occasional crow, vitalizes the spirit.  In life and well as in the afterlife, Loboda loved salads.   Celery gave him a particular kick, made him feel like a god.


A wight tries to crawl under the gate. Arrows fly at the wights trying to jump over the wall. Most of them hit the targets. The wight crawls even further under the gate. A sword sticks through the gate coming close to Loboda. He dodges the sword, looks down to see the wight crawling under the gate, and stomps his head in.


And then suddenly the fighting stopped.  Some wights were already sitting on the ground, catching their breath.  There was a camera protected with a rain cover.  The dialogue now split into many conversations, some in crazy European languages. The living Loboda had lowered the axe and was talking to a wight.  


LOBODA: Theo, sorry man.  

Puts his hand on the wight’s shoulder.

WIGHT: It’s cool man. 

Puts his hand on Loboda’s shoulder.


“A film about Hard Home? That’s cute!” the dead Loboda thought.  He now looked carefully.  The mud and frost were accurately captured. And it was terrifying alright!  All the wildlings looked too uniform, but one could see an attempt at differentiation.  His actor was called Zahari Baharov, a Bulgarian, born 1980, famous for his roles at the National Theatre Ivan Vazov and Three Bears Entertainment.  


STUNT COORDINATOR: Harder, Zahari!  Hit him harder!  I got you a Bulgarian stuntman so you feel ok to pound him.

Loboda nods.

Wight gives thumb up.


The dead Loboda now gave a closer look at the living one.  Zahari was tall and handsome.  He did look like a Balkan mafia boss, but that’s what happens when you’re too good an actor.  Loboda appreciated his fighting skills!  Zahari spent a month in Belfast kicking and having his ass kicked while shooting the day of Hard Home’s massacre.  In Bulgarian, his name meant sugar & spice. “Named after Pimenta dioica? That’s my Thenn!” Loboda thought. 


Fighting continues. A group of wights tear into a man of the Night's Watch. Loboda and Karsi continue to kill wights.

Jon looks up through the mist and sees 4 White Walkers on horseback on the top of the cliff.

JON SNOW: The dragonglass.

LOBODA: You and me, now!

Jon and Loboda charge towards the cabin. Jon cuts a wight in half then kills another. The giant breaks through a wall of the cabin. He shakes the wights off of his back, snapping some in half and stomping others into pieces. Jon and Loboda storm the cabin.

The entire cabin is on fire. A White Walker wielding a spear walks towards them through the fire.

LOBODA: Get the glass.

Loboda walks towards the White Walker as Jon scrambles towards the dragonglass. Loboda misses with his axe, getting it caught in a column. He pulls it out to parry in time, but the Walker’s spear shatters his axe. The Walker plunges his spear through Loboda's guts.


“Great performance!” the dead Loboda thought.  “Thank you, brother. Our sacrifice was not in vain! Uh, I am dying to see episode 9... Kit Harington as Jon Snow, fighting for Winterfell…”